Yesterday was Lydia's long-awaited Gotcha Day. I have already shared most of these pictures but I wanted to document the details here so I can look back and remember this day clearly.
Bryan and I slept decent although we were both up in the early morning hours (Bryan at 2:30 and me at 4 or so). Thanks, jet lag! We relaxed in our room and joked that this was like a vacation! We paid for executive lounge access at the Marriott on this trip so we went to eat breakfast once it was open and we had showered. For the first time ever in 5 adoptions, I was not too nervous to eat on gotcha day! At this stage in Samuel's adoption I was so nervous I was vomiting, so eating some bacon and eggs and pork dumplings is a huge improvement! I was thankful to feel calm and ready which I know is a result of so many people praying for us.
We met with our guide around 10:30 to talk about the logistics of the day. He is so kind and easy to talk with; we enjoyed visiting with him and felt ready for the day. Unfortunately we had to wait until 1:50 to meet him again to go get Lydia! The time went by so slowly waiting for it to be time! Finally it was time to go; the room was ready, Lydia's bag was packed and we had our bag and camera ready to go.
We rode in the van to the civil affairs office. It was about a 15 minute drive. As we walked up the steps to the lobby our guide noticed that Lydia was there with her nurse and nanny! We ended up riding up the elevator with them! Not at all what we expected but it was a fun surprise. They took Lydia to a playroom while we did some paperwork. Then it was time to officially meet! She was ok looking at us but did not want me to take her from the nanny. I tried a couple times and she as not having it, so finally the nanny just handed her to me and disappeared into the background. I can't imagine being a nanny in one of these situations! At that point Lydia basically lost it, and who can blame her? She is too little to understand all that is happening to her. She desperately needed comfort but the only people available to offer it were strangers who look unfamiliar, speak a different language and who she doesn't find comforting at.all. It was hard.
We took her over towards the purple couches where our bags were and quickly unwrapped a sucker. It is hard for kids to cry when they have a lollipop in their mouth ;) She immediately calmed and went to town on that sucker! We were able to have a few peaceful moments holding her, taking pictures, looking at her photo book, etc.
Soon it was time to take our official photo with the orphanage staff. When they came close to Lydia she lost it again, especially when she realized we were still holding her and not them. She calmed a little once she saw them leave and they were out of sight.
Leaving the civil affairs office in Baba's (Daddy's) arms
On the way back to the hotel we stopped at a local store called Aeon (think HEB + Target combined on 3-4 different levels). We picked up formula, rice cereal, eczema cream, baby wash, lotion, and some snacks for her. Lydia stayed surprisingly calm as Bryan carried her through the store which was very crowded and chaotic. She remained calm the whole way into the hotel until we got to our room and then when Bryan set her down on the bed she just lost it. I mean really lost it :( She cried and cried. She didn't really want to be held. Throughout all of this she had been clinging to her toy firetruck that she brought with her from the orphanage and 2-3 Gerber puffs we had given her. Even in all her anger and distress, she still didn't let go of her things. We eventually laid her down on the bed and laid on either side of her while she raged and cried. It is such a helpless feeling as a parent yet we totally understand where the behavior is coming from. There wasn't much we could DO in a situation where all you want is to DO something. I finally started patting her back slowly and rhythmically while gently telling her she was safe, it's ok to be afraid, etc. Times like this I wish I spoke Cantonese and that she could understand me! In moments like that we just have to hope that our tone of voice, our actions, our slow and gentle movements feel peaceful to her. She eventually cried herself to sleep and continued to sleep for 1.5 hours on the bed clutching her toy. At one point her body relaxed enough to let go of the things she was clinging too.
On top of the distress and fear that came with the day, she is also battling a cold. Her breathing sounds like a little purring kitten and she has had a cough and you can tell the congestion is in her chest. The orphanage staff gave us some over the counter medication to give her which seems to be helping thus far but she's certainly not 100%.
We finally decided to wake her up by opening the blinds, turning on lights and the TV. She would barely open her eyes, see that we were still there and then close her eyes and shake her head no and go back to sleep. I'm sure it all felt like a bad dream to her at this point. We finally sat her up and she began to wake up while some little Chinese cartoons/songs played on the TV. She was rocking some serious bed head from sweating and crying and thrashing on the bed! She stayed calm while Bryan changed her diaper and also felt her very distended belly (a common issue in kids with poorly managed thalassemia).
Since she was calm, we decided to go eat dinner in the executive lounge. She ate 3-4 pork dumplings, some noodles and rice and tried to drink from a cup but the concept seemed unfamiliar to her. She also did not understand how to drink from a straw, either. At this point she was definitely preferring Bryan over me and I was following her lead and letting him carry and hold her the most. She would sometimes accept food from me, and other times only accept it from Bryan.
When we got back to the room she got upset again. We were both exhausted and I felt like it was easier on Lydia to just let Bryan comfort her. My mother's instincts kept telling me to try different things with her, so finally I scooped her up as she cried and carried her to the other room and she quickly settled as I rubbed her back and spoke to her. We quickly face timed the kids before school (it was Monday morning in the US at that point) so they could see their new sister while she was calm. From that point on, Lydia really turned a corner. I am so thankful I trusted my instinct and just kept pursuing her and not giving up.
We sat her on the bed and began playing with the stuffed panda we brought for her. I made the panda tickle her and kiss her and give her hugs and she thought that was so funny! We began to get lots of smiles and belly laughs from our previously terrified little girl. We were both so encouraged!!
Pretty soon it was time for bed. Because she took a later nap, her bedtime was later as well. She took her medicine for congestion and Bryan fixed her bottle. I held her in the bedroom and kept the lights dim. She let me hold her and sing to her while she guzzled the bottle and clutched her stuffed panda. It was sweet time where she made lots of eye contact with me and let me gently stroke her hair and cheek. Unfortunately she didn't seem the least bit tired!! I had asked the orphanage (through our guide) if she slept in a dark room, with a nightlight, did they rock her etc so I'd have some clues about what she was used to. I decided to keep that routine the same for her but knew I didn't want to let her cry or feel afraid as she went to sleep. I put her in the pack n play, turned off the light and sat nearby playing Chinese lullabies on my phone so she knew I was near. She rolled around in the pack n play, chattering away in baby talk and at one point even said "Mama" although I don't know if it was directed at me or not. She never cried or acted upset and soon enough she went to sleep! She slept all night and we had to wake her the next day. We are SO SO thankful for good rest that first night and a relatively easy bedtime routine! This is a HUGE praise. I don't know if it will continue during the rest of our time in China or at home, but we will choose to be thankful for that first night of rest no matter what happens.
Today was full of some hard, heartbreaking moments and some sweet, redeeming moments as well. It was truly a depiction of beauty from ashes as we watched our new daughter transition away from her old life and into her new one. I'll never understand all that she has been through or the courage she's had to display-- but we do understand that God is at work here and that He is redeeming the hard parts of her life bit by bit. We are so honored to be a part of this precious little girl's life!
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